Relationships Good And Bad

I remember that during the First World War, my grandfather was in charge of a horse-drawn wagon to carry ammunition from the arsenal to where it was needed on the front line. He was only 16 and too young to fight, although he was old enough to be killed. One day he was sitting with his wagon, which was being loaded with ammunition to take to the troops at the height of the battle. Amid all the torrent of noise, the smoke and stench of warfare, his normally obedient horse reared up and bolted, taking him and the wagon with it. Seconds later a German shell exploded where my grandfather and his psychic horse had been waiting a moment before.

My grandfather maintained until the day he died of old age that the horse heard the shell coming through the air, singled it out from all the other shells exploding and took evasive action. Whether the horse heard the shell or not, its bolting saved my grandfather and, by today's count, 37 descendants.

One of his lineage is obviously me, a man with a great affection for horses that bolt. And I have three daughters. Each one began because one sperm out of 280 million fertilized a particular egg. Had another sperm been a better swimmer than the one that won the race, my daughters would be different. My two younger daughters only exist because I stumbled over my wife-to-be's suitcase in the lobby of a hotel. Had I not turned without thinking or had she not put her suitcase where she had, we would never have spoken. If you examine the unlikely sequence of events that led to you being who you are, where you are, reading this blog, it makes winning such an elusive prize and then not using it? Being born is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And probably the most important influence one the quality of your life is the relationships that you form.

So, what influence do relationships have on your life? What is the point in putting effort into making them work? To find out, try this thought experiment.


Think of two relationships in particular, one good and one not so good. If you do not have an example of one or both of these, then make them up for the sake of the exercise.

First, take the relationship that was not so good. Remember that and mentally put yourself back with that person.

Close your eyes, imagine being back with that person. Do not see yourself in the picture, but see them as if through your own eyes, as if you were back there now.

Picture them as clearly as you can. See their complexion, the colour of their eyes and hair. Picture the places you used to meet.

Now hear their voice and the sort of conversations that you had and hear any associated sounds. Then, listen to your internal voice. Is it saying anything?

Now notice what feelings you have and where those feelings are located in your body.

Are they light or heavy?
Does your energy level rise or fall?
Is your breathing affected?

Now, carry forward these sounds, pictures and feelings, and, in the frame of mind that you have just created, think about the future and what life could be like for you.

Now, take a deep breath and shake off that frame of mind. Get rid of the pictures, sounds and feelings.

Now, repeat the process, putting yourself this time into the better relationship. Imagine being with that person.

See them in your mind's eye as if you were back with them.
Remember what you saw, what you heard and anything your internal voice said, and notice how you feel.
Re-create the scenes, recall the sort of conversations you had.
Be inside yourself experiencing this memory.
Build up this experience until the memory becomes as lifelike as you can make it.

How does this positive experience influence your frame of mind for the future?


This simple exercise will show you the influence positive relationships can have on the way you are and how the future can be. A poor relationship clouds the future; a good one illuminates it. A poor relationship saps your energy and a good one gives you energy. A relationship is a major influence on your whole emotional state and this state of mind influences how you see the world, your levels of enthusiasms and what you believe to be possible.